tried to do handstands for you

i'm going off again, for goodness sake.

2nd trip to KL.

this month is a whirlwind of traveling. it's, well, i'm sort of impartial to it. haha

you know, i inherited this stubborn-ness from my dad. i know i'm sort of hard headed sometimes. gosh.

i really think i'm a contradiction.

i need to break out

i need a new name...

i'm listening to Ryan Star again! yes, he is still genius, and i totally miss listening to his voice.
i've loved him since Rockstar Supernova. man, where is this show? why do we have to settle with ridiculous crappy karaoke singing shows nowadays? where's the live music?

and for the past couple of days i've been reliving Ryan's Rockstar Supernova days. it's so 2006 i know, but it's always nice to go back to the familiar, no? i've been listening to Toby Rand too. he's awesome too, evs!

fun fact: my message alert tone is set to Ryan Star's 'Here Son'. awesome piano work there, Mr Star.

i just love how Ryan is apparently the most successful out of all the Supernova contestants. yet he was in the 6th place. broke my heart when he was eliminated, but oh my, how he's grown!!! take that, Lukas Rossi!

oh, and if you want to know why Ryan is just awesome, here's why. his version of R.E.M.'s 'Losing My Religion' totally killed me. haha ok i know the title so tak penting but nonetheless. oh yeah, he has a penchant for wearing black too. good job, Mr. Star!!!

i like going back to the familiar. i've been stepping into a few too many unfamiliar new zones nowadays, taking a step back for a breather is totally much needed.

speaking of which, i successfully managed to do a cover of Nirvana's 'Heart Shaped Box'! finally. phew. although i hate my too-female voice. haha. still remains as one of my favourite songs by them. so yes, talk about going back to the familiar. i'm going as far back as Kate Bush, Pink Floyd (probably the only time i can actually say that i love the word Pink) and Stone Temple Pilots. Plush? Interstate Love Song? oh yeah, bring it on, baby. as much as rock has evolved into crap (screamo/emo/ synthopop/ etc) and genius (alternative/ progressive/ gothic metal/ indie/ etc), the pure genius rock genres still remain those from the 80's or 90's.

ok, now i'm going all Depeche Mode mode. enjoy the silence...

justify

i'm too old to have emotional turmoils in my life.

and so i find it perfectly justified to have this apparent 'emotional wall' that some people keep talking about.

i think i forced myself to grow up this way. i think i know why. and if you want to know something about me, i used to be so emotionally connected with everything. and now i've become this.

Ya Allah, i seek solace and forgiveness for what i am about to say.

there, i said it. as in literally.

Oh Allah, You are the only one whom i can turn to. no matter who would be there for me. so i pray they turn to You too.